shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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