I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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