I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
