When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
