I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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