I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
