Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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