If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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