hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize