Got a toothbrush?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
