were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
