RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
