Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
