The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think i have two assholes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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