Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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