I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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