it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
