Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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