awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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