Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
