At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
