It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I intend to get homeless drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
