haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
