I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
