Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
