Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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