life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
