Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
