So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
