it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
