I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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