and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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