Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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