We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
