Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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