I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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