When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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