Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
