I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
