Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
