you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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