just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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