Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
