You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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