I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
