she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
