Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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