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• (559): View more from California

  I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.

  (1-559): View more from California

  Yup.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Nah, we all need something.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

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• (310): View more from California

  He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?

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• (352): View more from Florida

  She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I have already put on my inside pants.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend

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