when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You pole danced in your parka.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
