I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My vagina is officially offended.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize