i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
