I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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