just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
