Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
