Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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