I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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