Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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