You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
