So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
