shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
