i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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