How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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