I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
