yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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