Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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