dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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