Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
