so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my poor anus
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
