It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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