Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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