I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
