Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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