i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
