Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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