Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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