You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
