8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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