I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
