just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
