the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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