every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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