Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
