my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
