I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My liver just broke up with me...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
