he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
