ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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