belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
